We´re all looking for attention and to fit in a group, that´s what we´ve been taught our entire lives, but this is increasing stress.
How many times have you stressed yourself in a conversation thinking and figuring out what to say so that you could please and get the approval of the people you were talking too? How many times have you changed your decisions based on someone else’s likes, thoughts or believes? How many times have you said yes when you really wanted to say no just to avoid being rejected or to avoid the feeling of not fitting in a certain group?
Even when we´re all looking for attention, the people who is always trying to please everyone around them have a bigger desire for attention, this can be because of insecurities, low self-esteem, low confidence so they look for all this attention and approval from the outside.
Trying to please everyone around us only creates stress and anxiety and we hide our true selves, we hide who we really are. When you´re trying to please everyone you rarely say your opinions, instead you let people talk and when you share something you make sure it goes along with what everyone else is saying, with their opinions and believes. The problem with this is that with time people see that you´re telling them what they want to hear and not what you really think and some people do not trust this type of person so at the end when they found out they won´t trust you.
Some people can take this to their advantage, if they see that you say what they want to hear they´ll realize it´s easier to manipulate you and get what they want because most of the time you´ll say yes and go along with what they´re saying and doing.
People pleasers find it really hard to share their ideas and thoughts and they rather stand for the ideas and believes of others.
Since it´s really hard to say no and they keep going along with others and not really standing for what they truly believe they get involved into a lot more projects, meetings or parties than they can manage ending with no time for themselves, they´re always running trying to meet the expectations of everyone even when they hate what they´re saying or doing. They end up doing a lot more than what they can really manage.
We all have different groups or relationships and when we try to please everyone we need to be really careful on what we´re going to say and when to say it, if we say something to the wrong person they will find out we´ve been only telling them what they wanted to hear so they lose confidence and trust. Being aware of what we need to say and to whom takes a lot of energy and anxiety knowing that we can tell the wrong thing and feel
What you can do is stop doing things you don´t like and you don´t feel comfortable, stop doing more than you can. If you already have a lot of work whether it´s from school or job and someone else asks you for help just say no, you have the right to say no without giving explanations, if someone asks you for your opinion say what you really believe in a polite and respectful way. If someone asks you to take care of their pets or babysit and you don´t want or can´t just say no.
Saying no will be hard in the beginning and many people can react negatively in the beginning but with time they will respect you a lot more, and they´ll trust you a lot more knowing that you´re telling them the truth, what they need to hear that will actually help them and not what they want to hear, your confidence will increase and you´ll feel way better.
When you start saying no your stress levels will start to lower because you don´t feel loaded with a lot of work, project, meetings or appointments, you have more time to do what you really enjoy doing, you have more time to focus on your work and you also have time for yourself.
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