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Trying to please everyone increases stress

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We´re all looking for attention and to fit in a group, that´s what we´ve been taught our entire lives, but this is increasing stress.

How many times have you stressed yourself in a conversation thinking and figuring out what to say so that you could please and get the approval of the people you were talking too? How many times have you changed your decisions based on someone else’s likes, thoughts or believes? How many times have you said yes when you really wanted to say no just to avoid being rejected or to avoid the feeling of not fitting in a certain group?

Even when we´re all looking for attention, the people who is always trying to please everyone around them have a bigger desire for attention, this can be because of insecurities, low self-esteem, low confidence so they look for all this attention and approval from the outside.

Trying to please everyone around us only creates stress and anxiety and we hide our true selves, we hide who we really are. When you´re trying to please everyone you rarely say your opinions, instead you let people talk and when you share something you make sure it goes along with what everyone else is saying, with their opinions and believes. The problem with this is that with time people see that you´re telling them what they want to hear and not what you really think and some people do not trust this type of person so at the end when they found out they won´t trust you.

Some people can take this to their advantage, if they see that you say what they want to hear they´ll realize it´s easier to manipulate you and get what they want because most of the time you´ll say yes and go along with what they´re saying and doing.

People pleasers find it really hard to share their ideas and thoughts and they rather stand for the ideas and believes of others.

Since it´s really hard to say no and they keep going along with others and not really standing for what they truly believe they get involved into a lot more projects, meetings or parties than they can manage ending with no time for themselves, they´re always running trying to meet the expectations of everyone even when they hate what they´re saying or doing. They end up doing a lot more than what they can really manage.

We all have different groups or relationships and when we try to please everyone we need to be really careful on what we´re going to say and when to say it, if we say something to the wrong person they will find out we´ve been only telling them what they wanted to hear so they lose confidence and trust. Being aware of what we need to say and to whom takes a lot of energy and anxiety knowing that we can tell the wrong thing and feel

What you can do is stop doing things you don´t like and you don´t feel comfortable, stop doing more than you can. If you already have a lot of work whether it´s from school or job and someone else asks you for help just say no, you have the right to say no without giving explanations, if someone asks you for your opinion say what you really believe in a polite and respectful way. If someone asks you to take care of their pets or babysit and you don´t want or can´t just say no.

Saying no will be hard in the beginning and many people can react negatively in the beginning but with time they will respect you a lot more, and they´ll trust you a lot more knowing that you´re telling them the truth, what they need to hear that will actually help them and not what they want to hear, your confidence will increase and you´ll feel way better.

When you start saying no your stress levels will start to lower because you don´t feel loaded with a lot of work, project, meetings or appointments, you have more time to do what you really enjoy doing, you have more time to focus on your work and you also have time for yourself.

If you know someone who could benefit from this post please share it with them and don´t forget to follow us on Twitter.

Pam

Stress

How stress affects relationships

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We know that stress has a negative impact on our relationships, but some relationships can also increase stress making everything worse. It´s a negative vicious cycle that can be very hard to stop.

We all deal with stress every day, we´ve talked about this before, our job, finances, school, traffic, our boss or teachers, coworkers or classmates they´re all part of daily stress and to make it worse there are closer relationships that also increase stress. What happens when something goes wrong with our partner or a loved one?

Some of the things that can create stress in a relationships are different ideas, different perspectives, different habits or routines, different believes and values, finances. This can happen between friends, aunts, uncles, siblings, spouses. But how do you manage to have all this differences and still have a healthy relationship? This is why respect and communication are key in any relationship if we do want to stay together. It´s really important to understand and accept that we´re all different, we´ve all gone through different situations that made us who we are today, all those experiences make us see the world and everything that happens from a particular perspective and all this differences make us who we are.

When there´s something wrong going on in a relationship we start seeing more disagreements and create distance which only makes everything worse increasing tension and stress.

What you can do to improve the situation is listen and try to understand the other, listen to their perspective and point of view, for this we need to accept that we´re all different and we´re all going to react and respond differently to stressful situations this is why the first step is to listen with an open mind to really understand the other. Then find ways to be supportive, in some cases people are not looking for a real answer or solution to their problems, sometimes they just want to be listened and feel they are appreciated. If there´s something you don´t agree with then being respectful about their opinion, perspective and point of view is so important, from there find a place of mutual agreement between both can work wonders.

We all have some close friends or family members that are so rude and disrespectful, and even when you try your best to talk with them and get to a mutual agreement or at least a place of respect they won´t cooperate. They never support you, they make fun of you, they try to bring you down or maybe they ignore you. In this case the best step here is to stay away from them. If they´re trying to bring you down there´s no reason to be close to them or to try to find common ground, if they don´t support you there´s no reason to be sharing your goals or dreams with them, they´ll always find a way to bring you down and make fun of you.

You need to accept that some of the people you know, friends and family will only be there in the good times, the fun part of life but they´ll disappear when you need them most, there are others who maybe doesn´t appear that often but are the ones who show up when you need someone more, make sure to find out who they are and work on keeping them close to you, make sure that when they need someone you are there too, and there are others who just doesn´t appear on your life neither on good times or bad times.

It´s hard to find out that those who you thought where your friends and you thought you can count on are the first ones to disappear, but it´s good to know who really matters, do not waist time with the ones who disappeared or were never there, it doesn´t matter if they are friends or family, being blood related doesn´t meant you need to stay close to them or consider them. Try to stay away from people who doesn´t support or want to bring you down.

If you know someone who could benefit from this post please share it with them and don´t forget to follow us on Twitter.

Pam